
MY LIFE, MY RULES!
Lyrics
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01
The Calibration (Intro)
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The Room out of the light, into the shade, A hand on my shoulder, the bargain was made. I didn’t choose it, I didn’t run, My education had just begun. No words were needed, no questions asked, The boy was gone, the man was masked. The Map A different guide, a sharper lens, Beyond the world of boys and friends. She taught me how the pulse would beat, How to find the cool inside the heat. A technical soul, a perfect aim, I learned the rules before the game. IT’S IN THE BLOOD, IT’S IN THE BONE! A STEADY HEART MADE OUT OF STONE! I didn’t break, I just took the form, The silent center of the storm. NO REGRETS, NO SECOND GUESS! A PERFECT STATE OF USELESSNESS! Wait for the pull, wait for the spark I was only shaped... shaped in the dark. Tried to build on a broken floor, A mind at war behind the door. Stayed for the child, learned to hide, With a ghost of a woman by my side. The empathy died to keep us sane, I built a wall against the rain. The Mastery Then came the power, the final string, How to control the weight of the thing. I watched the play, I learned the art, Of how to mirror a hollow heart. The student is gone, the master is here, With nothing to love and nothing to fear. IT’S IN THE BLOOD, IT’S IN THE BONE! A STEADY HEART MADE OUT OF STONE! I didn’t break, I just took the form, The silent center of the storm. NO REGRETS, NO SECOND GUESS! A PERFECT STATE OF USELESSNESS! Wait for the pull, wait for the spark I was only shaped... shaped in the dark. The calibration is done... The lesson is learned... The bridge is built... The bridge is burned... The bridge is built... The bridge is burned...
02
Hypnotized (Bambi Eyes)
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Another endless day, another night to kill Staring at the screen, just trying to feel a thrill. I didn't want the silence, didn't want my friends Just a temporary fix before the feeling ends. Then I saw her there, a click, a digital trace Brown eyes, long hair, a haunting kind of face. She pulled up in that Clio, a target in the dark A "hit" at first sight, a sudden, electric spark. She held me close, but kept a distance too A cautious hug before we knew what we’d do. But then we’re sitting there, across the table light And those eyes... those eyes... they’re stealing the night! Hypnotized by the way you look at me! Deep brown eyes, everything I need to see! You’re the honest truth in a world of lies Wrapped in the magic of your Bambi eyes! I’m caught in the fire, I’m caught in the heat But my heart is a drum with a restless beat! Leaving the theater, the movie’s long since done She says "Jump in, I’ll show you where to run." Deep in the woods, where the shadows grow tall The headlights are screaming, we’re ready to fall. Against the hood, I feel the metal give way Dented and broken, but we’re going to stay. Sixty kilos of perfection in the cold A story of fire that’ll never get old! Then morning comes, and the walls close in! Your parents' house, the weight of the skin! I’m sleeping in your bed, but I’m already gone The sex feels timeless, but I’m chasing the dawn! I see you want more, I see it in your stare But I’m a ghost, I’m smoke, I’m thin air! Hypnotized by the way you look at me! Deep brown eyes, everything I need to see! You’re the honest truth in a world of lies Wrapped in the magic of your Bambi eyes! I’m caught in the fire, I’m caught in the heat But my heart is a drum with a restless beat! I’m sorry, I left a scar. My inner unrest... it took me too far. I’m lonely in the crowd, I’m drifting alone Waiting for the day I can call a heart my home. Just Bambi eyes... In the rearview mirror... Fading out.
03
Just Not Ready
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Neon lights and the sound of the game Winning every round, I’m the best in the lane Then you walked in, silence in the room A perfect face rising through the gloom I played it cool, I kept my head down low While everyone around me started putting on a show I made my move, a stupid line to start I didn't know you’d end up tearing through my heart One kiss in the dark, a moment standing still I climbed the mountain, but I couldn't handle the thrill You were flawless, you were everything I’d need A perfect ghost, a flower from a seed But I’m the one who’s breaking, I’m the one who ran I held perfection in the palm of my hand And I’m sorry... I’m just not that man Drove to the city, to the house by the street You jumped in my arms, making my life complete? I felt like a liar, a ghost in your bed With all of these secrets screaming in my head Six in the morning, the light’s coming in The end of the story before we begin You saved it all for me! All those years of being free! But I’m not ready! No, I’m not ready! I’m just a shadow of who I’m supposed to be! You were flawless, you were everything I’d need A perfect ghost, a flower from a seed But I’m the one who’s breaking, I’m the one who ran I held perfection in the palm of my hand And I’m sorry... I’m just not that man I drove away in the morning light Leaving the ghost of that perfect night I’m not ready... I’m so sorry...
04
The Wall I Build
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I meet these people, they’re silver and gold But I keep my stories and my secrets untold They come and they go, but they don’t choose to leave I’m the one pulling the tricks out my sleeve Objectively looking, what do I need? A partner, a builder, a life to lead? It sounds so right when I say it out loud But then I get lost in this lonely cloud The most beautiful faces, the charm and the grace I push them away, I erase every trace Is it a poison? Is it a fear? Why does the silence sound so clear? What is wrong with me? I’m addicted to the vacancy One night of heat, then I’m back in the cold Losing the interest, losing my hold I’m a ghost in a machine, a shadow in the rain Searching for a spark but just finding the same What is wrong with me? A hunger inside for the secrets they hide What makes them different on the other side? But I’m so picky, I’m judging the skin Closing the door before they even get in It’s time for a change, a break in the glass Letting the old principles pass Stop looking at the surface! Find a different purpose! I hope I don’t lose myself tonight! Walking blind into the light! What is wrong with me? I’m addicted to the vacancy One night of heat, then I’m back in the cold Losing the interest, losing my hold I’m a ghost in a machine, a shadow in the rain Searching for a spark but just finding the same What is wrong with me? Will it be okay? If I let the walls fall away... I’m just so tired... Of being lonely...
05
The Wrong Right
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Left the skyline, left the Spree Looking for the man I was meant to be Tired of the chase, tired of the light So I chose the “average” to get it right I picked a shadow, thought she was safe But I let a demon take her place I ignored the cracks, I missed the signs Tracing life in broken lines I wanted to do it right, but I did the wrong thing I traded my soul for the hell you bring I reached for an anchor, it tightened the chain I prayed for the calm but inherited rain I wanted to do it right, but I did the wrong thing Yeah, I'm the one who pulled the string She had no ocean, just an empty well I kept diving down but I couldn't tell Lazy heart and an ego of stone I was building a house all on my own Then came the news, the lock, the cage A permanent mark on a temporary page Pregnant and trapped, the air turned cold Doing exactly what I was told I wanted to do it right, but I did the wrong thing I traded my soul for the hell you bring I reached for an anchor, it tightened the chain I prayed for the calm but inherited rain Double shifts, sixteen hours on the clock Anything to stay from the door and the lock Working to breathe, working to hide While every bit of sympathy withered and died I see the child, she's the only truth In the wreckage of my wasted youth My heart turned iron, my hands turned bone Built a life that never felt like home The walls are closing, I'm losing my breath This “normal” life is a living death I'm packing the pieces, I'm drawing the line I'll stay for the girl, but you're no longer mine You're poison pretending the world is to blame While I stand guard and I carry the name You're just a ghost, a shadow I knew The worst right thing I had to do I wanted to do it right, but I did the wrong thing I traded my soul for the hell you bring I reached for an anchor, it tightened the chain I prayed for the calm but inherited rain I wanted to do it right, but I did the wrong thing I'm walking away I'm staying close To the heartbeat that matters most I did the wrong thing But she won't pay
06
Masterclass
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She brought the leather, she brought the chains She wanted to show me how she handles the reins. A queen on a velvet throne Showing me secrets I’d never have known. She talked about power, the give and the take The subtle art of the heart you can break. I watched her play with the fools on the floor Then I took her hand and I locked the door. I didn’t want the whip, I didn’t want the mask I just wanted the answer to the unspoken task. How do you bend 'em? How do they fall? How do you make 'em... give you their all? YOU SHOWED ME THE STRUCTURE, I BUILT THE CAGE! YOU GAVE ME THE SCRIPT, I REWROTE THE PAGE! The master of games met the ghost in the room And I turned your sunshine into my gloom! THE ARCHITECTURE OF CONTROL! I took the lessons and I took your soul! You showed me the strings, how the puppets all dance How a look or a whisper can kill every chance. I studied your moves like a surgical strike Till I became the monster you didn’t like. You fell for the influence you tried to teach Now the shore you wanted is out of your reach. I saw you breaking, but I saw it too late Another ruin... on my golden plate. Dominance... Submission... It’s all just a choice. I found my weapon... I found my weapon, In the sound of my voice. I found my weapon... I found my weapon, in the sound of my... Voice... YOU SHOWED ME THE STRUCTURE, I BUILT THE CAGE! YOU GAVE ME THE SCRIPT I REWROTE THE PAGE! The master of games met the ghost in the room And I turned your sunshine into my gloom! THE ARCHITECTURE OF CONTROL! I took the lessons and I took your soul!
07
Cold Trace
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A digital ghost with a pretty face I brought my hunger to your place. I saw the flicker of a broken soul But I just wanted to lose control. You opened up, let me see the scars But I was busy reaching for the stars. I didn't care about the ghosts you kept While I took everything while the city slept. I lived for the "now", I lived for the skin Ignoring every warning from the voice within. Give me what you got, give me all your heat Even if it leaves you broken in defeat! I’m the user, I’m the one to blame! I fed the fire and I loved the flame! I saw the pain in your eyes, but I didn't care! I took what I wanted, I didn't play fair! Naive and ruthless, I used you for me The biggest mistake that you’ll ever see! I’M THE ASSHOLE! Twenty-one and perfect, a dream in the night I took your body like I had the right. Then you told me the story, the rope and the wall The day you came home and you saw it all. I watched you crumble, I watched you bleed But I was only focused on my own dark need. I left you there, shaking in the cold Trading your truth for a lie that’s getting old. Then I got caught in a web of my own Another face, another girl, another throne! You were the future, the home, and the kid But I’m a monster for the things that I did! I’m a ghost, I’m smoke, I’m thin air I’ll leave you screaming with no one there! YEAH, I’LL LEAVE YOU THERE! I’m the user, I’m the one to blame! I fed the fire and I loved the flame! I saw the pain in your eyes, but I didn't care! I took what I wanted, I didn't play fair! Naive and ruthless, I used you for me The biggest mistake that you’ll ever see! I’M THE ASSHOLE! If I saw you now, I’d just turn my head You should have hit me for the things I said. One hard slap across my lying face To burn away the guilt and the cold trace. so sorry... But I didn't care then...
08
All In (The Nymphomaniac)
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Cleaned the house, the weekend’s at the door TV’s on, but the neighbor’s at the floor "Come for poker," he says, "it’s something new" So I’m sitting at the table, just passing through. Then I see her—short skirt, slender frame Double-E distraction, a dangerous game. The men are staring, their words are cheap and loud I see the target standing out from the crowd. I played my hand, then I went all in Lost the chips just to let the game begin. I walked out the door, knowing she’d follow my lead Small talk and whispers, sowing the seed. One last look, a manipulative spark She found me online, a light in the dark. Six times a day, but I’m feeling nothing at all A hunger for the edge, a hollow kind of fall. She wants the pain, she loves the brutal heat But for me, it’s cold, just a rhythm and a beat. Yeah, she’s addicted, and I’m just the drug In a bed made of glass, giving a lifeless hug. Met that night, the air was sharp and thin No passion in the room, just the weight of the skin. She says she’s a nympho, she never hits the peak But I can break the cycle, the release she seeks. It isn’t love, it’s a physical war Screaming for more, then hitting the floor. I want to leave before the walls cave in I’m drowning in her hunger, drowning in the sin. "It’s over," I said, "I don’t want a life with you" She’s bleeding inside, but I’ve got things to do. "Not my problem," I lied, as I walked away But Steven, you idiot, what a price you let her pay! A year of this madness, an F-plus on fire Her marriage is ashes on a funeral pyre. You destroyed it all... Not my problem? Keep telling yourself that lie... Six times a day... Still cold...
09
Architect of Ruin
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I see 'em coming and I watch 'em go A parade of angels I’ve laid low They’re building castles on a shifting sand While I’m holding the matches in my hand I pushed the limit, yeah, I forced the end Too bored to love, too proud to bend I stole their time and I fed ‘em lies Just to see the light die in their eyes It’s a sick curiosity, a hunger in the vein To see how they’re different, to feel their pain I’m objective, I’m cold, I’m surgically precise Gambling with souls and I’m loaded with the dice... I’m the king of the wreckage, the master of the "no" I want the fire but I freeze the glow I scream for a partner, for a life to build Then I butcher the dream ‘til the pulse is stilled Tell me, what’s wrong with me? I’m addicted to the lonely, I’m addicted to the free Yeah, I’m the poison in the cup, the shadow in the hall I’m the one who makes 'em fly just to watch 'em fall! Successful, charming, yeah, they had it all But I built my ego on a higher wall I taste the skin then I lose the spark Leaving 'em broken, alone in the dark Is it fear of the tether? Or a rot in the soul? I’m losing my grip and I’m losing control I’m so damn picky, like I’ve got the right To haunt their dreams in the middle of the night Time for a change! Break the principle, break the cage! Stop looking at the face, start looking at the mess Gotta drop the guard, gotta confess I sold myself out for a temporary high Now I’m drowning in the "whys"! I’m the king of the wreckage, the master of the "no" I want the fire but I freeze the glow I scream for a partner, for a life to build Then I butcher the dream ‘til the pulse is stilled Tell me, what’s wrong with me? I’m addicted to the lonely, I’m addicted to the free Yeah, I’m the poison in the cup, the shadow in the hall I’m the one who makes 'em fly just to watch' em fall! Don't let me sell my soul again Don't let me be the same man I’ve been Just let it go... Everything... fall... What is wrong with me?
10
Forever
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Rhine water, dark and still. Sitting there, against my will. In the car, just us two. Candy wrappers, a messy view. I didn't need a hand to hold. My logic was already cold. But you stuck. You stayed in place. Now I can't erase your face. I don't function like the rest. You're the one who passed the test. I’m not easy. I’m not kind. But you're the one I chose to find. I’m right here. I’ve made my choice. In the static, you're the voice. You are the focus. You are the light. The only thing that I get right. I’m the rock. I’m the stone. Because of you, I’m not alone. I’m staying... Two kids. A house. A steady beat. I keep the cold out of the heat. I play the part. I do it well. The only one I’d never sell. I'm difficult. A mind at war. Still standing at your door. I look at you. I know why I try. As the years go drifting by. I’m right here. I’ve made my choice. In the static, you're the voice. You are the focus. You are the light. The only thing that I get right. I’m the rock. I’m the stone. Because of you, I’m not alone. I’m staying... Secrets kept behind the past. No more games at last. You’re the reason I haven't gone. The only line I’m drawing on. I’m right here. I’ve made my choice. In the static, you're the voice. You are the focus. You are the light. The only thing that I get right. I’m the rock. I’m the stone. Because of you, I’m not alone. I’m staying... Just you and me. Candy wrappers on the floor. My life. My rules! I’m right here...
11
Chaos Theory
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Eighty in a Twingo, cutting through the grey A little bit of madness, heading my way Speeding tickets piling like a stack of lies But I see the lightning dancing in her eyes Messy pasta, red sauce like a crime scene on her shirt She doesn’t mind the chaos, she doesn’t mind the dirt In her Minnie Mouse suit, wrapped in 95 percent black A beautiful disaster, and there’s no turning back. She hands me the spray, says „keep it in your vest“ The only one I trust to handle all this mess Cold hands, but a fever in her chest. She’s the fire when my logic feels cold The most dangerous story that I’ve ever been told A stress-ball made of glass, held tight in the night Through the dildo-party secrets and the pizza bite We’re just two shadows, outrunning the day Finding our own twisted, broken way. She’s moving out now, searching for the air Trading in the chains for a life she can bear I’m her buffer, I’m the melody she sings While we’re hiding from the weight that the workday brings Sauna steam and a bottle of beer Watching the rest of the world disappear Keep that spray close, keep it in your vest We are the emergency contact for the rest. Don’t hide the dark circles, don’t hide the fatigue You’re playing in a different, darker league A wild machine, unmasked and free The only kind of crazy that was meant for me. She’s the fire when my logic feels cold The most dangerous story that I’ve ever been told A stress-ball made of glass, held tight in the night Through the dildo-party secrets and the pizza bite We’re just two shadows, outrunning the day Finding our own twisted, broken way. Keep the engine running... Winter lights fading in the rear view. I didn't see the crash coming... But damn... Her fire was true! Just a girl meant for me.
12
Flame and Rust
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Six feet of fire, standing tall in the light A crimson crown in the dead of the night. You were the first to look me right in the eye Without looking down, without asking why. Yellow steel waiting out by the gate A tiny car for a heart with that weight. I came for the skin, I came for the thrill While your world was shaking, I was standing still. Your father’s in a gown, fighting for his breath In a war of the streets, in a dance with death. But you’re here with me, giving all you can give Trading your soul just so I let you live... IN MY SHADOW! I took your hope and I used it for fuel! I played the king and I played it so cruel! Standing eye to eye, but I was never there I breathed you in like a poison air! You were willing to break, you were willing to bleed Just to be the answer to a hollow need! I’M THE HUNGER! I’M THE SHAME! No movies, no dinners, no walking the line Just a secret to keep, just a moment of mine. So tall and so fragile, a tower of glass I watched the light in your spirit just pass. I saw the price in the way that you stared Hoping for a part of me that was never shared. I used your body as a place I could stay Then I’d start the engine and just drive away. IN MY SHADOW! I took your hope and I used it for fuel! I played the king and I played it so cruel! Standing eye to eye, but I was never there I breathed you in like a poison air! I couldn't watch you die while you were still alive! I couldn't let you sink while I watched you strive! I had to kill the hope to stop the slow decay I had to be the one to push you far away! I’M A COWARD! I’M TEARING DOWN THE FIRE! I took your hope and I used it for fuel! I played the king and I played it so cruel! Standing eye to eye, but I was never there I breathed you in like a poison air! You were willing to break, you were willing to bleed Just to be the answer to a hollow need! Your father was a rebel, but you were the brave. On a yellow road... to an early grave. I took your hope away to set you free So you’d never have to waste another tear on me. ...But I know it hurt.
13
Last Voice Message
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A little blonde reflection in the city lights. She showed me Essen through those late-night drives. The clock was ticking, but we stole the time. A beautiful mess... a victimless crime. I’d sit on nightshift, just to hear her speak. Her voice in my ear when the world felt weak. Long messages playing while the stars looked down. The sweetest girl in this lonely town. But I was anchored to a different shore. And she was reaching out for something more. I saw the pressure in her tear-stained eyes. The desperate hunger for a love that flies. I watched a sweet soul turn to hate. I felt the logic bow under the weight. She said: „I’m not the one, it’s perfectly clear. Find your right girl, just get out of here.“ She called it pathetic that I wouldn’t try. And I stood there silent, watching it die. „Don’t you ever text me,“ those were her words. The sharpest echo that I’ve ever heard. She wanted all of me, every single part. But I couldn’t give her a whole new heart. I lost the grip, I lost the lead. I’m sorry for the wounds I made her bleed. But I couldn’t build a truth on a lie. No matter how hard she made me try. She was love. She was light. Everything sweet. But a heart under pressure can’t handle the heat. The intensity burned, then it turned to grey. I watched the control just slip away. i lost the lead... I watched a sweet soul turn to hate. I felt the logic bow under the weight. She said: „I’m not the one, it’s perfectly clear. Find your right girl, just get out of here.“ She called it pathetic that I wouldn’t try. And I stood there silent, watching it die... watching it die... Last long voice messages... fading out. „I’m not the one,“ she said. Pathetic. sorry for the bleed sorry for the wounds.
14
The LooP
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Shut it down, turn the light. Told you I’m not gonna fight tonight. I pack my bags, I’m at the door. But you keep asking me for more. One look back, I’m caught again. Is this love or just the end? Stuck in the mud, out in the cold. Same old story, never gets old. I’m a shadow in your game. Every exit looks the same. I try to run, I try to bleed. But you’re the only thing I need. I want out, but you pull me back! Everything is fading into black! It’s a dead end road, a one-way street, Giving up is my defeat! Over and over, the same old lie, I can’t leave, and I don't know why! Let me go! Just let me go! Red flags waving in the wind. I’m losing count of every sin. We’re hiding out, we’re playing deep. Promises we’ll never keep. You set the trap, I walk right in. Where do I end and you begin? No more magic, no more grace. Just the ghost of your embrace. I’m done! (I’m not!) I’m gone! (I’m caught!) I’M BREAKING! I’M SHAKING! STOP THE WHEEL! I CAN'T FEEL! I want out, but you pull me back! Everything is fading into black! It’s a dead end road, a one-way street, Giving up is my defeat! Over and over, the same old lie, I can’t leave, and I don't know why! Let me go! Just let me go! Just let me go... The loop never ends... It never ends... Just let me go... Just let me go... The loop never ends... It never ends...
15
not Forever!
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You wanted the ring, a home and a life You wanted one day to be my wife I carried the weight while you watched me fall You wanted forever, but gave nothing at all No more waiting No more lies I watched you leave us One piece at a time I carried the weight While you buried our lives No more waiting for you to fight! No more dying by your side! I won't carry dead weight anymore! I'm leaving the ashes on the floor! No more your poison in my head! No more sleeping with the dead! You buried us long before the end! You traded his birthday for a ghost online Burned another promise one lie at a time Too young to carry the weight of your pain You ran from the wreck your own hands made While I held together what you threw away You said you wanted to be my wife But never put a cent toward that life I filled that jar year after year While you filled pages with doubt and fear No more waiting for you to fight! No more dying by your side! I won't carry dead weight anymore! I'm leaving the ashes on the floor! No more your poison in my head! No more sleeping with the dead! You buried us long before the end! You wrote your pain into a world of your own While I made sure you never faced it alone You wear your wounds like they clear your name Then turn around and hand me the blame But I heard him call And you gave him nothing at all Your demons were yours But you handed him the cost You kept running from yourself While he wondered what he'd lost No more waiting for you to fight! No more dying by your side! I won't carry dead weight anymore! I'm leaving the ashes on the floor! No more your poison in my head! No more sleeping with the dead! You buried us long before the end! I cleaned up the wreckage I took the fall I held us together When you gave up on it all
16
The Heart I Play
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I learned the words, I learned the signs When to step closer, when to give it time I read the faces, I study the room I know when to enter, I know when to move I watch the changes, the smallest signs The tired eyes, the shifting lines A hand needs holding, a silence needs space I learned what belongs in the empty place I know the rules I know the part I know the motions that look like a heart I learned how to stay I learned how to give I learned how two people are supposed to live I read the faces, I study the room Learn what they love, learn what they lose What makes them smile, what makes them shut down What they need most when nobody's around Remember the details, remember the days Adjust the distance, soften the phrase Give them the warmth they’re waiting to find While every reaction is measured in mind I know the rules I know the part I know the motions that look like a heart I learned how to stay I learned how to give I learned how two people are supposed to live Once I learned people to get what I need A night, a body, a hunger to feed Then I saw the damage, I learned the cost How winning the game could still mean loss So I changed the purpose, changed the design Tried to protect the ones beside me Same observation, a different goal Keep them from breaking, keep things whole I know the rules I know the part I know the motions that look like a heart I learned how to stay I learned how to give I learned how two people are supposed to live But is care less real when it has to be learned? Is warmth still warmth when the switch has been turned? If touch doesn't call me, but I reach anyway Does the reason matter at the end of the day? They call me cold when the system goes down When nothing is filtered or turned around One careless moment, one honest reply And something changes behind their eyes So back to the rules Back to control Measure the distance Step into the role Ask how they’re doing Reach for the hand Say something gentle Try to understand Not because instinct is pulling me there But because I learned that this is how people care I know the rules I know the part I know the motions that look like a heart I learned how to stay I learned how to give I learned how two people are supposed to live And maybe that's care Maybe choice is enough Maybe deciding to give can still count as love But years of staying taught me one thing A choice isn't enough if only one holds the string I learned every rule before playing the game But maybe the rules were never the same I read the faces I study the room I know what to say I know what to do
